Saturday, July 14, 2007
you know, i've been mighty jealous of people's lives who seem so much more happening than mine. i'm really shallow that way, i forget that there are people who could be sick, or having to look after people who are sick, or are penniless, and many other situations that could be more less happening than mine.
but somehow knowing that all that is true, doesn't do one bit to comfort me.
i even think that, most of the times i make myself go attend stuffs, not because i really want to, but more so i could add another item to my list of have-dones, to make myself feel better and more happening. but sometimes it doesn't make me feel better. and that totally defies the purpose right? bah.
just now at the grand stand, i was watching all those Union Camp people in the sports field, screaming their lungs out and dancing around and wearing splashes of paint on their faces and clothes. guys with broad shoulders and taut abs strutted around top naked, while girls with lean long legs sported mini shorts that totally flaunted the said-legs. of course, on top of that, most of them were looking like they were having the best time of their lives. and i felt the envy creep up slowly, but certainly. they were looking so involved in their camp and gaining great social contacts and well, just being totally happening.
sometimes i wonder, if only i had more courage and made that decision to attend Oweek camp in first year earlier, instead of waiting till there were no places left, if this will all be different. what if i had gone on to make a great bunch of friends in Oweek, maybe ill be signing up for councillor position with that group of friends in my second year now. maybe i wouldnt be writing this stupid, childish, but very true-to-my-heart entry.
and so i started looking at the campers more as individuals, than this crazy rainbow screaming mob. and i started picking out those that weren't smiling, those that looked uncomfortable doing that wave cheer where you have to gyrate your body, those who waved their hands half-heartedly, more like to seem part of the crowd than anything else, those who were wearing their pants high up, sporting thick glasses and dorky hair. those less noticed by fellow campers and camp councillors.
i know i was supposed to feel less envious, and probably be enlightened that not everyone of those supposedly happening people are really comfortable being there, or that i could be one of those that i just described, even if i went to the camps.
but i'm not.
but somehow knowing that all that is true, doesn't do one bit to comfort me.
i even think that, most of the times i make myself go attend stuffs, not because i really want to, but more so i could add another item to my list of have-dones, to make myself feel better and more happening. but sometimes it doesn't make me feel better. and that totally defies the purpose right? bah.
just now at the grand stand, i was watching all those Union Camp people in the sports field, screaming their lungs out and dancing around and wearing splashes of paint on their faces and clothes. guys with broad shoulders and taut abs strutted around top naked, while girls with lean long legs sported mini shorts that totally flaunted the said-legs. of course, on top of that, most of them were looking like they were having the best time of their lives. and i felt the envy creep up slowly, but certainly. they were looking so involved in their camp and gaining great social contacts and well, just being totally happening.
sometimes i wonder, if only i had more courage and made that decision to attend Oweek camp in first year earlier, instead of waiting till there were no places left, if this will all be different. what if i had gone on to make a great bunch of friends in Oweek, maybe ill be signing up for councillor position with that group of friends in my second year now. maybe i wouldnt be writing this stupid, childish, but very true-to-my-heart entry.
and so i started looking at the campers more as individuals, than this crazy rainbow screaming mob. and i started picking out those that weren't smiling, those that looked uncomfortable doing that wave cheer where you have to gyrate your body, those who waved their hands half-heartedly, more like to seem part of the crowd than anything else, those who were wearing their pants high up, sporting thick glasses and dorky hair. those less noticed by fellow campers and camp councillors.
i know i was supposed to feel less envious, and probably be enlightened that not everyone of those supposedly happening people are really comfortable being there, or that i could be one of those that i just described, even if i went to the camps.
but i'm not.
can you hear the soft swoosh of the butterflies' wings. 12:05 AM.
