Monday, September 18, 2006
the hardest part is over.
and the deal was called off. "okay on! dont cry!" but how could we not.
like ros said, its all very unpredictable. we could all be damn happy all the way, from checking in luggage, to taking photos. but WHEN the departure gate looms, and all there's left is to say goodbye. there's really no other way, but to cry.
i really didnt wanna give her jacket back.
And when I saw Di suddenly turning away, with her dad already passing the guards. I suddenly realised i still had so much to say, and one last hug to give. so me, mab, ros all rushed to her. and there she was, all trembling as she heaved sob after sob. my poor babusengg! :( All of us just kinda surrounded her, and i was patting her head while crying like mad myself too.
Finally, she had to go in. I couldnt speak at all. Even the word 'bye', it was impossible to speak, a huge lump in my throat. but it didnt matter. words didnt matter. before long, she was gone. out of sight. but NEVER EVER out of mind.
Crying fest ensued. Ros, mab, shiqin all started sobbing and i couldnt stop too.
I suddenly remember what mab wrote in her sms "seeing you walk away was really heartbreaking." Oh my. that is SO sad.
At the foodcourt, my tears were slowly ebbing, until i felt my phone vibrate.
"I love you babuseng."
A fresh barrage of tears.
you should be on the plane to Bangkok now. I hope all the letters aren't overwhelming you with emotion, and seriously, it just broke my heart to see you standing there crying. (okay im pretty surprised im crying AGAIN. i thought my tears were like all used up.)
your brother's promised me to get you back here in December. Now that's one promise i really dont want broken.
Be happy, babuseng, be safe.
ilu.
and the deal was called off. "okay on! dont cry!" but how could we not.
like ros said, its all very unpredictable. we could all be damn happy all the way, from checking in luggage, to taking photos. but WHEN the departure gate looms, and all there's left is to say goodbye. there's really no other way, but to cry.
i really didnt wanna give her jacket back.
And when I saw Di suddenly turning away, with her dad already passing the guards. I suddenly realised i still had so much to say, and one last hug to give. so me, mab, ros all rushed to her. and there she was, all trembling as she heaved sob after sob. my poor babusengg! :( All of us just kinda surrounded her, and i was patting her head while crying like mad myself too.
Finally, she had to go in. I couldnt speak at all. Even the word 'bye', it was impossible to speak, a huge lump in my throat. but it didnt matter. words didnt matter. before long, she was gone. out of sight. but NEVER EVER out of mind.
Crying fest ensued. Ros, mab, shiqin all started sobbing and i couldnt stop too.
I suddenly remember what mab wrote in her sms "seeing you walk away was really heartbreaking." Oh my. that is SO sad.
At the foodcourt, my tears were slowly ebbing, until i felt my phone vibrate.
"I love you babuseng."
A fresh barrage of tears.
you should be on the plane to Bangkok now. I hope all the letters aren't overwhelming you with emotion, and seriously, it just broke my heart to see you standing there crying. (okay im pretty surprised im crying AGAIN. i thought my tears were like all used up.)
your brother's promised me to get you back here in December. Now that's one promise i really dont want broken.
Be happy, babuseng, be safe.
ilu.
can you hear the soft swoosh of the butterflies' wings. 11:16 PM.
Sunday, September 17, 2006
im crying like i just lost my best friend. which isnt true. i will never lose her. She'll be in UK, but she still belongs here. to me, to us.
BLEAHHH. im still cryinggg like maddd. :(
i really hope my family will just stay out today, and just let me cry away. i dont wanna cry at the airport tml. Oh no, she's online. dont make me cry moreee. :(
I came home, and felt so lost. I didnt know what to do. i KNEW i had about 200 pages of Soci waiting for me, to finish by tomorrow. and a Soci essay. but how can I? Arent we allowed to take leave for this kind of things? damn, its damn serious k.
I WANNA THANK THE INTERNET CREATORS LIKE I HAVE NEVER WANTED TO BEFORE.
My, its the sole comfort left.
And so, i wrote her my message. but damn, i thought ill feel better. but NO. look at me now, im just a blubbering mess.
okay im going to end here.
seriously, i just wanna lie alone and cry my eyes swollen like there's no tomorrow.
BLEAHHH. im still cryinggg like maddd. :(
i really hope my family will just stay out today, and just let me cry away. i dont wanna cry at the airport tml. Oh no, she's online. dont make me cry moreee. :(
I came home, and felt so lost. I didnt know what to do. i KNEW i had about 200 pages of Soci waiting for me, to finish by tomorrow. and a Soci essay. but how can I? Arent we allowed to take leave for this kind of things? damn, its damn serious k.
I WANNA THANK THE INTERNET CREATORS LIKE I HAVE NEVER WANTED TO BEFORE.
My, its the sole comfort left.
And so, i wrote her my message. but damn, i thought ill feel better. but NO. look at me now, im just a blubbering mess.
okay im going to end here.
seriously, i just wanna lie alone and cry my eyes swollen like there's no tomorrow.
can you hear the soft swoosh of the butterflies' wings. 11:22 AM.
Wednesday, September 13, 2006
this wave of sadness has been washing over me ever since i got onto that bus.
bleahhh.
i thought i was giving. did you not know?
to have things suddenly turn around and slap u in the face.
cant always play the good girl.
friends, dont ask me about this entry. i know you have the 'responsibility' to. but you dont have to, and i guess i dont want you to.
my tutor said today that maybe, our thoughts online could be just that. thoughts. even though inscripted permanently in the digital world, aint anything to be held against us for.
what did i do wrong.
you hate me one day, i love you the next.
when did it all start complicating like this.
bleahhh.
i thought i was giving. did you not know?
to have things suddenly turn around and slap u in the face.
cant always play the good girl.
friends, dont ask me about this entry. i know you have the 'responsibility' to. but you dont have to, and i guess i dont want you to.
my tutor said today that maybe, our thoughts online could be just that. thoughts. even though inscripted permanently in the digital world, aint anything to be held against us for.
what did i do wrong.
you hate me one day, i love you the next.
when did it all start complicating like this.
can you hear the soft swoosh of the butterflies' wings. 10:13 PM.
Wednesday, September 06, 2006
sociology is slowly ebbing its way into me.
today, i was at the Kent Ridge terminal, waiting for the bus to bring me home at a ridiculously early time - 12pm. Anyway, a bus turned into the interchange and then it started to jerk in spasms. I was wondering what the hell, hence i looked (with my LASIK-ed eyes. HEE.) at the bus-driver. and he had the blackest of black faces, while he stepped repeatedly on the brakes to make the bus jerk in sudden short stops.
I was still thinking what the hell, when he started shouting "HEY!". And it must have been really loud, because I could hear it loud and clear despite the bus doors being all closed, and it was airconditioned, meaning no windows too. I craned my neck to see who he was shouting at, but my view was obscured. The SuperBlackFace hollered a few more times, but must have been to no avail because he got up and walked to the back of the bus, and then struck with his bare arms hard on the chairs. By then, it seemed pretty apparent he was trying to wake someone up, very rudely. Subsequently he gave a few more shouts and then thumped really hard, on the person's back i should think. That was really shocking. Disgust and sympathy washed over me, as i waited to see who that unfortunate person was. The bus-driver satisfied himself by giving the person a dressing-down still, must have included a few expletives too. I really wasn't surprised when the person walked down the bus, all groggy.
It was a thai foreign worker, dorning greyish shirt and shorts that looked to have been unwashed for days. His unkempt hair was shoulder-length and greasy-looking.
Did his identity justify the horrible way he was treated by the bus-driver? Sociologically, we would say the bus-driver must have possessed a deep sense of ethnocentrism, the innate sense of superiority over other cultures. And the thai guy's eyes just spelled acceptance of his supposedly lower rank in society.
He was a paying customer, but that didn't warrant the same service, did it?
One people, One Singapore.
Not really.
Oh, i went for my One-star canoeing course that day. And guess what, we did everything but CANOE. Im still rather puzzled till now. We were kayaking the whole time, hmm.
Anyway, kayaking is a rather frustrating thing. And actually, i prefer to being in a single kayak. I guess, im not rather receptive to people ordering me (even when I was at the front and was supposed to lead) to turn which way, and showing me that irritated look, when I wasn't in the wrong. Anyway our instructor had no looks, no personality. Hah. I could forgive him if he wasn't the typical cute canoeing guy, but then he was totally irritating and uncaring. Which is the last thing he should be, being our only guide in the deep waters at Kallang Basin. I think I wasn't the only one there silently escastic when he capsized while demonstrating some shit he couldn't perform. Damn throw-face for him.
today, i was at the Kent Ridge terminal, waiting for the bus to bring me home at a ridiculously early time - 12pm. Anyway, a bus turned into the interchange and then it started to jerk in spasms. I was wondering what the hell, hence i looked (with my LASIK-ed eyes. HEE.) at the bus-driver. and he had the blackest of black faces, while he stepped repeatedly on the brakes to make the bus jerk in sudden short stops.
I was still thinking what the hell, when he started shouting "HEY!". And it must have been really loud, because I could hear it loud and clear despite the bus doors being all closed, and it was airconditioned, meaning no windows too. I craned my neck to see who he was shouting at, but my view was obscured. The SuperBlackFace hollered a few more times, but must have been to no avail because he got up and walked to the back of the bus, and then struck with his bare arms hard on the chairs. By then, it seemed pretty apparent he was trying to wake someone up, very rudely. Subsequently he gave a few more shouts and then thumped really hard, on the person's back i should think. That was really shocking. Disgust and sympathy washed over me, as i waited to see who that unfortunate person was. The bus-driver satisfied himself by giving the person a dressing-down still, must have included a few expletives too. I really wasn't surprised when the person walked down the bus, all groggy.
It was a thai foreign worker, dorning greyish shirt and shorts that looked to have been unwashed for days. His unkempt hair was shoulder-length and greasy-looking.
Did his identity justify the horrible way he was treated by the bus-driver? Sociologically, we would say the bus-driver must have possessed a deep sense of ethnocentrism, the innate sense of superiority over other cultures. And the thai guy's eyes just spelled acceptance of his supposedly lower rank in society.
He was a paying customer, but that didn't warrant the same service, did it?
One people, One Singapore.
Not really.
Oh, i went for my One-star canoeing course that day. And guess what, we did everything but CANOE. Im still rather puzzled till now. We were kayaking the whole time, hmm.
Anyway, kayaking is a rather frustrating thing. And actually, i prefer to being in a single kayak. I guess, im not rather receptive to people ordering me (even when I was at the front and was supposed to lead) to turn which way, and showing me that irritated look, when I wasn't in the wrong. Anyway our instructor had no looks, no personality. Hah. I could forgive him if he wasn't the typical cute canoeing guy, but then he was totally irritating and uncaring. Which is the last thing he should be, being our only guide in the deep waters at Kallang Basin. I think I wasn't the only one there silently escastic when he capsized while demonstrating some shit he couldn't perform. Damn throw-face for him.
Steve Irwin's death. - "dahn-ja, dahn-ja, dahn-ja!" will be sorely missed.
Death, knocks so many times
but fails not to shock
every time.
can you hear the soft swoosh of the butterflies' wings. 6:46 PM.
