Friday, July 27, 2007
it's a sinking kind of feeling.
and i really hate how you're doing it to me.
all those principles, all those self-made rules, all those bull, fading away. don't matter anymore.
i'm sorry for having judged you all last time.
and i really hate how you're doing it to me.
all those principles, all those self-made rules, all those bull, fading away. don't matter anymore.
i'm sorry for having judged you all last time.
can you hear the soft swoosh of the butterflies' wings. 5:42 PM.
Saturday, July 21, 2007
i just slept for 15 hours straight! goodness, it was supposed to be a power nap of half an hour. sheesh.
anyway, nachos broke camp yesterday. seriously i couldnt have wanted anything to be different from the mix of freshies and councillors and ogls we had. everyone was really cool in their own ways, and it made suffering with the cockroaches and showerheads with no water in Chevrons much easier to deal with. hee.
thank god audrey saw my camp-crazed blog entry, and thank god mabel was with me when aud smsed me the night before the camp was suppposed to start and urged me to agree to it.
to any one from camp who's reading this right now, i really meant it when i say that all of you are so much more like friends than freshies to me. muchlove! and winning best og and having the best freshie is really something yar, rahrah cheers can only do so much for bonding, but its really the talking during the quiet moments that matters. and talking happened a lot in Jetulong Chalet, from freakyghostlyencounters to verypersonalmatters. it's made everyone of you rather special to me. :) heck, i even turned down a mahjong session all so that i could sit in the chalet and be around you guys. hee.
p.s. Eleanor, u're a crazy woman larr!!! hahaha. this girl tried to scam me into thinking she was a stalker the very next day camp broke. thank god for my contact list hur. -smirks. hahaha.
anyway, nachos broke camp yesterday. seriously i couldnt have wanted anything to be different from the mix of freshies and councillors and ogls we had. everyone was really cool in their own ways, and it made suffering with the cockroaches and showerheads with no water in Chevrons much easier to deal with. hee.
thank god audrey saw my camp-crazed blog entry, and thank god mabel was with me when aud smsed me the night before the camp was suppposed to start and urged me to agree to it.
to any one from camp who's reading this right now, i really meant it when i say that all of you are so much more like friends than freshies to me. muchlove! and winning best og and having the best freshie is really something yar, rahrah cheers can only do so much for bonding, but its really the talking during the quiet moments that matters. and talking happened a lot in Jetulong Chalet, from freakyghostlyencounters to verypersonalmatters. it's made everyone of you rather special to me. :) heck, i even turned down a mahjong session all so that i could sit in the chalet and be around you guys. hee.
p.s. Eleanor, u're a crazy woman larr!!! hahaha. this girl tried to scam me into thinking she was a stalker the very next day camp broke. thank god for my contact list hur. -smirks. hahaha.
can you hear the soft swoosh of the butterflies' wings. 1:27 PM.
Saturday, July 14, 2007
you know, i've been mighty jealous of people's lives who seem so much more happening than mine. i'm really shallow that way, i forget that there are people who could be sick, or having to look after people who are sick, or are penniless, and many other situations that could be more less happening than mine.
but somehow knowing that all that is true, doesn't do one bit to comfort me.
i even think that, most of the times i make myself go attend stuffs, not because i really want to, but more so i could add another item to my list of have-dones, to make myself feel better and more happening. but sometimes it doesn't make me feel better. and that totally defies the purpose right? bah.
just now at the grand stand, i was watching all those Union Camp people in the sports field, screaming their lungs out and dancing around and wearing splashes of paint on their faces and clothes. guys with broad shoulders and taut abs strutted around top naked, while girls with lean long legs sported mini shorts that totally flaunted the said-legs. of course, on top of that, most of them were looking like they were having the best time of their lives. and i felt the envy creep up slowly, but certainly. they were looking so involved in their camp and gaining great social contacts and well, just being totally happening.
sometimes i wonder, if only i had more courage and made that decision to attend Oweek camp in first year earlier, instead of waiting till there were no places left, if this will all be different. what if i had gone on to make a great bunch of friends in Oweek, maybe ill be signing up for councillor position with that group of friends in my second year now. maybe i wouldnt be writing this stupid, childish, but very true-to-my-heart entry.
and so i started looking at the campers more as individuals, than this crazy rainbow screaming mob. and i started picking out those that weren't smiling, those that looked uncomfortable doing that wave cheer where you have to gyrate your body, those who waved their hands half-heartedly, more like to seem part of the crowd than anything else, those who were wearing their pants high up, sporting thick glasses and dorky hair. those less noticed by fellow campers and camp councillors.
i know i was supposed to feel less envious, and probably be enlightened that not everyone of those supposedly happening people are really comfortable being there, or that i could be one of those that i just described, even if i went to the camps.
but i'm not.
but somehow knowing that all that is true, doesn't do one bit to comfort me.
i even think that, most of the times i make myself go attend stuffs, not because i really want to, but more so i could add another item to my list of have-dones, to make myself feel better and more happening. but sometimes it doesn't make me feel better. and that totally defies the purpose right? bah.
just now at the grand stand, i was watching all those Union Camp people in the sports field, screaming their lungs out and dancing around and wearing splashes of paint on their faces and clothes. guys with broad shoulders and taut abs strutted around top naked, while girls with lean long legs sported mini shorts that totally flaunted the said-legs. of course, on top of that, most of them were looking like they were having the best time of their lives. and i felt the envy creep up slowly, but certainly. they were looking so involved in their camp and gaining great social contacts and well, just being totally happening.
sometimes i wonder, if only i had more courage and made that decision to attend Oweek camp in first year earlier, instead of waiting till there were no places left, if this will all be different. what if i had gone on to make a great bunch of friends in Oweek, maybe ill be signing up for councillor position with that group of friends in my second year now. maybe i wouldnt be writing this stupid, childish, but very true-to-my-heart entry.
and so i started looking at the campers more as individuals, than this crazy rainbow screaming mob. and i started picking out those that weren't smiling, those that looked uncomfortable doing that wave cheer where you have to gyrate your body, those who waved their hands half-heartedly, more like to seem part of the crowd than anything else, those who were wearing their pants high up, sporting thick glasses and dorky hair. those less noticed by fellow campers and camp councillors.
i know i was supposed to feel less envious, and probably be enlightened that not everyone of those supposedly happening people are really comfortable being there, or that i could be one of those that i just described, even if i went to the camps.
but i'm not.
can you hear the soft swoosh of the butterflies' wings. 12:05 AM.
Tuesday, July 10, 2007
i can just while away hours uploading photos of london and paris, gosh! okay, so they're all in drafts already, will be up as entries in a few days yar!
singapore was beautiful yesterday, sitting at vivocity's steps with shiqin and di, with the cool wind brushing. but the damn migraine just wouldn't rest and you could sit me at niagara falls and it'll be hard to notice anything but the pounding in the head. SEE, health is CRUCIAL.
jetlagged still, and i've been waking at 4am for the past few nights, and then tossing and turning to try to get back to bed. insommia is the WORST thing ever, not being able to sleep really sounds like the mildest illness, but try staring into space and clearing the corners of your mind of all thoughts for a few hours, and watching the seconds crawl past. nothing beats that. except maybe, well a migraine.
tomorrow i'll be meeting up with the three lovelies. (hopefully mabel doesn't get hauled off to relief-teach. HM.) qiao where you!?! i've still got your birthday presents!! HEE, now that must be enough motivation to meet up hur?!
di's pretty creations. the frosting were actually more well-spread, but the cupcakes kept getting pushed around until the top became a bit kepok. (is that how you use it? hm) ANYWAY, the cakes were totally loaded with taste!! YUMM.
jetlagged still, and i've been waking at 4am for the past few nights, and then tossing and turning to try to get back to bed. insommia is the WORST thing ever, not being able to sleep really sounds like the mildest illness, but try staring into space and clearing the corners of your mind of all thoughts for a few hours, and watching the seconds crawl past. nothing beats that. except maybe, well a migraine.
tomorrow i'll be meeting up with the three lovelies. (hopefully mabel doesn't get hauled off to relief-teach. HM.) qiao where you!?! i've still got your birthday presents!! HEE, now that must be enough motivation to meet up hur?!
mab and ros's welcomeback gift. real cute eh? :)
london-paris photos soon yar. there are like millions. haha.
can you hear the soft swoosh of the butterflies' wings. 11:21 PM.
Monday, July 02, 2007
this is my first night back, and i'm just sitting in my living room, family all tucked in bed already. and i'm missing london.
it's weird, i've been kinda wishing to go home to mixedvegrice and singlish when i was over at london. but now, i really don't mind being back there. after twenty odd days straight of seeing malcolm, wenli, tony, and especially diana every waking moment, i do feel this pang of loss.
the twenty odd days have been a hell of a rollercoaster ride, fights tears robbers racistbastards bargains nicebrits groceryshopping, all of that happened over the weeks.
i wish there really was a double timespace dimension thing, so that i can just pop in and out into singapore and london life as and when i feel like it. i'm just so wanting to have my cake and eat it too right now.
man, the moments in the plane and airport are whizzing past in my mind, arriving and seeing mab ros (who got us the cutest presents. :) ) my family at the arrival window, nonstopchatter with di on the plane, the air stewardesses with attitudes as fake as their faces, the long delay, the java chip choc di treated me to (at the last count, she's treated me that drink, 2 bags of macadamia nuts, angmoh carrot cake, millie's cookie, a whole lot of meals and so much more. THANKYOUONCEAGAINBABU.)
it's like someone's pressed the rewind button and i'm reliving everything in super fast forward mode in reverse order.
i think what i'm feeling now is s-a-d.
maybe it's the overdose of taiwan shows, and suddenly realising that i'll have all the time to watch it now. and then suddenly i don't miss seeing jackywu so much anymore.
or maybe it was me filling myself with happy thoughts of my family going to the market tomorrow and grabbing some singaporean breakfast, until it hit me that my dad probably has to work.
reality is a real bummer.
BAHH.
byebye wimbledon. byebye days of leaving NUS and modulebidding farfarbehind, and days packed with daily meetings of how to have fun. HELLO singapore. :) hello home.
can you hear the soft swoosh of the butterflies' wings. 3:04 AM.
