Friday, January 27, 2006
god, i hate it when i dream about you.
dreams are awful illusions, and they have an uncanny ability to pluck me from this time period, and into a time when it was all about you.
and that sucks. i couldnt have been more unhappy.
happy new year!
dreams are awful illusions, and they have an uncanny ability to pluck me from this time period, and into a time when it was all about you.
and that sucks. i couldnt have been more unhappy.
happy new year!
can you hear the soft swoosh of the butterflies' wings. 8:06 AM.
Thursday, January 26, 2006
ookayy. wen rou just gave me and di sweets. 2 whole packets that is.
and for a moment, actually for about a few minutes, both me and di were basking in the warmth of it all. haha. speaks volumes about how much kindness has been bestowed upon us in our workplace. nahhh. aint as bad as i make it out to be. the ladies have been pretty nice really. soon ting with her loud songs and jokes and all. judy with her ego-sweets and sugary-sweet voice. zhen hui and her, uhh. chicken hairstyle. (bad joce!-smacks my mouth)
after the appreciative thoughts faded, i got to wondering, if the saying that money cant buy friends wasnt true after all.
my entire impression towards judy changed after the giving of the present, and those were just sweets! imagine, if the token was clothes, or a car.
oh.
maybe money just doesnt buy you true friends.
and for a moment, actually for about a few minutes, both me and di were basking in the warmth of it all. haha. speaks volumes about how much kindness has been bestowed upon us in our workplace. nahhh. aint as bad as i make it out to be. the ladies have been pretty nice really. soon ting with her loud songs and jokes and all. judy with her ego-sweets and sugary-sweet voice. zhen hui and her, uhh. chicken hairstyle. (bad joce!-smacks my mouth)
after the appreciative thoughts faded, i got to wondering, if the saying that money cant buy friends wasnt true after all.
my entire impression towards judy changed after the giving of the present, and those were just sweets! imagine, if the token was clothes, or a car.
oh.
maybe money just doesnt buy you true friends.
can you hear the soft swoosh of the butterflies' wings. 1:24 PM.
yowl. in the office room now.
my mind was cluttered with thoughts, all the way from 852 interchange to walking into the school.
i was pondering, racking my brains for ideas for my maybe-portfolio (which i would have to submit if i can, and still want to, get into ArtsMediaDesign course at NTU). and for the 3 minutes video.
and it hit me, that i have been thinking like i was already an ad-conceptual designer (i coined this title myself) since years ago. i let myself be carried away, with ideas on how to improve advertisements i see on tv. and take note of almost every single ad that passes me, on the bus, on pamphlets, in the lifts. i guess thats how a dream grows, how mine grew. can hardly imagine doing anything else than that. do not even want to entertain thoughts of an adult me keying in accounts, cajoling customers to buy some product, stitching up a child's wound.
i can only imagine how crushed it would be, like for shiqin's friend. when the doctors confirmed that her spinal injury was serious enough that she would have to stop dancing for life. her world probably caved in, crushing her and her broken dancer dreams. it would have been like her most horrid nightmare, only worser.
it is so easy to be swayed when the rest of your world snide and show that they hardly think you're good enough for that, for anything. but by myself, i allow me to float along with my wildest fantasies, leaving the world of doubt and sceptism behind.
i have a strong hunch, that my life would be turned upside down if i got in, if i had a chance to.
but the million-dollar question - up or down?
my mind was cluttered with thoughts, all the way from 852 interchange to walking into the school.
i was pondering, racking my brains for ideas for my maybe-portfolio (which i would have to submit if i can, and still want to, get into ArtsMediaDesign course at NTU). and for the 3 minutes video.
and it hit me, that i have been thinking like i was already an ad-conceptual designer (i coined this title myself) since years ago. i let myself be carried away, with ideas on how to improve advertisements i see on tv. and take note of almost every single ad that passes me, on the bus, on pamphlets, in the lifts. i guess thats how a dream grows, how mine grew. can hardly imagine doing anything else than that. do not even want to entertain thoughts of an adult me keying in accounts, cajoling customers to buy some product, stitching up a child's wound.
i can only imagine how crushed it would be, like for shiqin's friend. when the doctors confirmed that her spinal injury was serious enough that she would have to stop dancing for life. her world probably caved in, crushing her and her broken dancer dreams. it would have been like her most horrid nightmare, only worser.
it is so easy to be swayed when the rest of your world snide and show that they hardly think you're good enough for that, for anything. but by myself, i allow me to float along with my wildest fantasies, leaving the world of doubt and sceptism behind.
i have a strong hunch, that my life would be turned upside down if i got in, if i had a chance to.
but the million-dollar question - up or down?
can you hear the soft swoosh of the butterflies' wings. 11:06 AM.
Tuesday, January 24, 2006
am so tempted to write "nobody reads this anymore", but lets not wallow.
sometimes i think i know what causes my flus, and headaches. but then nights when i dont use air-conditioning lead to runny-nose days, and my theories are proved wrong once in a while. its weird, its my body, but i really dont know how it runs.
a few days ago, i was chatting to my rarely-seen girl-cousin at a family reunion dinner. "soo. what course do u want to take?" she asks. "hmm. arts media design, or communicative something. i wanna be a ads-conceptual person." that was innocent me, with my bubble dreams answering.
"OHH. you dont want to go into that. you have to be the best in the arts field to be noticed , and you dont have basics, and people from LaSalle will be competing with you, and.." the tirade of cold water poured on, as the wise post-mass-communications her ticked off all the reasons why i shouldnt pursue my ambition. but she was kind enough to end with, "dont look so sad. if you really want it, then just read the curriculum and join. maybe its better than i thought." i must have been looking damn crushed.
the thing is, can i cope with maybes?
but i do want to risk it. risk not being able to fit in with the rest of the arty-farty cohort, who i assumed will be shooting profound english out of their mouths. risk failing every test i take because ive never had basics, and am so disadvantaged. risk freaking out when i see the nude model walk in. okay, actually i dont mind that last one. hahha.
so many people seem to be against it. fulfilling my dreams seem to be the right course, but regretting for life after ive chosen that path will suck.
in 'my sister's keeper'(di just lent it to me), there's this paragraph.
you know sometimes, your life seems to be like a forked road. and you decide on one path, but even as you embark on the gritty road, your eyes never leave the other.
back then, mommy always had all the answers. not anymore.
sometimes i think i know what causes my flus, and headaches. but then nights when i dont use air-conditioning lead to runny-nose days, and my theories are proved wrong once in a while. its weird, its my body, but i really dont know how it runs.
a few days ago, i was chatting to my rarely-seen girl-cousin at a family reunion dinner. "soo. what course do u want to take?" she asks. "hmm. arts media design, or communicative something. i wanna be a ads-conceptual person." that was innocent me, with my bubble dreams answering.
"OHH. you dont want to go into that. you have to be the best in the arts field to be noticed , and you dont have basics, and people from LaSalle will be competing with you, and.." the tirade of cold water poured on, as the wise post-mass-communications her ticked off all the reasons why i shouldnt pursue my ambition. but she was kind enough to end with, "dont look so sad. if you really want it, then just read the curriculum and join. maybe its better than i thought." i must have been looking damn crushed.
the thing is, can i cope with maybes?
but i do want to risk it. risk not being able to fit in with the rest of the arty-farty cohort, who i assumed will be shooting profound english out of their mouths. risk failing every test i take because ive never had basics, and am so disadvantaged. risk freaking out when i see the nude model walk in. okay, actually i dont mind that last one. hahha.
so many people seem to be against it. fulfilling my dreams seem to be the right course, but regretting for life after ive chosen that path will suck.
in 'my sister's keeper'(di just lent it to me), there's this paragraph.
you know sometimes, your life seems to be like a forked road. and you decide on one path, but even as you embark on the gritty road, your eyes never leave the other.
back then, mommy always had all the answers. not anymore.
can you hear the soft swoosh of the butterflies' wings. 10:58 AM.
Friday, January 20, 2006
helloo! im here early for work. lugi if i start so early right, so i wait for di first. hehhh. we must both learn to slack more man.
its weird, but the older colleagues hardly have a clue what they're telling us to do. everything's a little screwed up, loose threads everywhere, inconsistent information. i hope what we do aint super-important, cause whatever i typed seems pretty wrong to me. whooops.
AND. it is now 3.03 pm. and i have a big problem.
today morning, i came super early right. so decided to turn in at SPC to get water. somehow, my eyes flitted to the part of the freezer where many many tubs of ben and jerry's were sitting. woooo, i thought. okay, shall not type this way. too lame. in all, i got myself a small teeny tub of
. and a pathetic fifty cents red bean bun.
only one problem. i am having my period, and im terrified that cramps, stomach upsets and other body trauma will befall upon me if i do eat the ice cream. so i did what i thought was pretty wise - keep it in the canteen uncle's fridge. (i told him of course! or he might have ate it up.)
and now he tells me he's closing at around four. and i leave work at only six! bleughh. ill hate to let that ice cream melt. but i was fantasizing about bringing it home and savoring every lick as i read that angel book. sounds like a damn good friday, and there's no work tomorrow. YIPPPEEE.
so, im going to let the ice cream melt.
what a stupid post! god.
its weird, but the older colleagues hardly have a clue what they're telling us to do. everything's a little screwed up, loose threads everywhere, inconsistent information. i hope what we do aint super-important, cause whatever i typed seems pretty wrong to me. whooops.
AND. it is now 3.03 pm. and i have a big problem.
today morning, i came super early right. so decided to turn in at SPC to get water. somehow, my eyes flitted to the part of the freezer where many many tubs of ben and jerry's were sitting. woooo, i thought. okay, shall not type this way. too lame. in all, i got myself a small teeny tub of
. and a pathetic fifty cents red bean bun.
only one problem. i am having my period, and im terrified that cramps, stomach upsets and other body trauma will befall upon me if i do eat the ice cream. so i did what i thought was pretty wise - keep it in the canteen uncle's fridge. (i told him of course! or he might have ate it up.)
and now he tells me he's closing at around four. and i leave work at only six! bleughh. ill hate to let that ice cream melt. but i was fantasizing about bringing it home and savoring every lick as i read that angel book. sounds like a damn good friday, and there's no work tomorrow. YIPPPEEE.
so, im going to let the ice cream melt.
what a stupid post! god.
can you hear the soft swoosh of the butterflies' wings. 11:02 AM.
Tuesday, January 17, 2006
greetings from the workplace! (me and di's office. ONLY FOR US and our slick LCD computers. heehee. and the temperature in here is always higher than 25ºC. because of yours truly, pretty prone to freezing.)
alright. we all need motivation to work. and it all boils down to what i wanna get with the money ill be getting by the end of a month or so.
and so. TADA.
list of gifts for me, myself, and probably you.
- an active headband, to keep the sweat out of my hair.
- $20 to play arcade games to win ipod nano/motorola razor/my own phone.
- a pair of pretty, comfy heels, for work.
- save up for trip to hawaii/bangkok/m'sia with girlfriends.
- save up for shopping expenses in hawaii/bangkok/m'sia.
- get my 'little mermaid and fish'(hahh. di says its flounder. is it?) jigsaw puzzle framed up.
- pretty up my room. out with the old, in with the new.
lets not be too greedy. shall end here.
bubbles say byebye!
ooohh. and an hour later, me and di will punch out and head out to cityhall, where our beloved telemarketeress is. :)
bubbles say byebye!
can you hear the soft swoosh of the butterflies' wings. 2:03 PM.
Saturday, January 14, 2006
yesterday at work, di was showing me sooo many food blogs and food pics, that i got pretty interested in, and tried my hand at them.
mommy and me were making a lot of pineapple-related new year pastries today.
mommy and me were making a lot of pineapple-related new year pastries today.
can you hear the soft swoosh of the butterflies' wings. 11:36 PM.
Thursday, January 12, 2006
i know! my tan's horrid! JJ's prom had to be the night where i go beaching in the day. hehh. yiqiao looks super uber more chio in real life than here. take that!
taiyi, u use paint on your face ar!?! so white. heh. kidding la. you're looking ravishing here. -old man at the back drools, and gets a slap from the feisty girl.
graceee. know you for soo many manyy years. and you've been doing all the growing up without tellin me! still as cute as eva eh. (why is this turnin out to be some kind of mass-friendster testimonial.)
chaiyee and sida! ayy. a bit too suibian ar, sida. ah not funny. joce 0, laugh-at-not-funny-joke-ers 1! shit.
the cameragirl's missing.
actually, ros is puking out the noodles. hahha. i am going to get it badd. but the food looks good ehhh.
when there's only 2, it takes quite an amount of guts to act diao while throngs of new juniors stare. okay okayyy. so there wasnt anyone caring about us elderly actually.
i cant stand the 'you're-a-stnicks-phony' taunt anymore!! -runs.
okayy. im back.(with my 3 other fake pissed-off comrades. hey come to think of it, we really had this expression at the traffics light yar?) stronger and better. rahhh!
the one on the right doesnt have a blog. so i help her post photos of her and her getting-more-and-more-cool hair.
the one on the left doesnt have an active blog. so i help her post photos of her, see if the starhub guy lucky to chance upon anot. hahhahah.
what do you get when you get 2 stnicks girls (phony or not) in a toilet. A photo! (man. making a riddle is hard.)
can you hear the soft swoosh of the butterflies' wings. 10:46 PM.
Does anyone have music codes for "running" by NoDoubt or "butterfly" by crazytown? i wantt!! the christmas song playing is pretty outdated. (no. i am not going to put up brashy chinese new year songs. sorry.)
it is 9.24am right now! and pretty soonn, ill be in that china school doing my admin stuffs! with di! and not-her-mother. heehee. -di works up a nervous sweat.
its my FIRST job ever. goshh. ever ever. i am a little excited and scared. been trying to imagine how it'd be.
right.
it is 9.24am right now! and pretty soonn, ill be in that china school doing my admin stuffs! with di! and not-her-mother. heehee. -di works up a nervous sweat.
its my FIRST job ever. goshh. ever ever. i am a little excited and scared. been trying to imagine how it'd be.
right.
can you hear the soft swoosh of the butterflies' wings. 9:22 AM.
Tuesday, January 03, 2006
ooh. my aunt sent me photos from her cam from korea. sorry there's a lot of me. wait a minute. im taking back that sorry. its MY blog.
it is so weird. for me at least. that school's starting tomorrow. and im not going to be in that grey NJ uniform, packing my schoolbag and yawning my way to campus. i AM going to be at home, feeling reality hit me, that graduation has come and passed. and the next school i might go to will be University, where all the ADULTS are.
one (rare) moment i am feeling all eager to nab a job, to start on my driving career, the next im all scared and terrified of the big bad wolfish future.
When i was just a little girl, i asked my mother what will i be?
Will i be pretty, will i be rich?
and here's what she said to me.
Que Sara Sara, whatever will be will be.
the future's not us to see, que sara sara.
what will be will be.
do you still remember this song? it's in this huge video tape with Bingo, doggie in my window, and loads of kid-songs. is it true? whatever will be will be? i dont think so. that's like what i used to tell myself, its an excuse for me, to just stay in my comfort zone and avoid changes of any sort. and wait for life to dish out whatever it has in store for me. turns out that wouldnt work.
freaking headache. get out.
i am so used to feeling jealous of people, friends, anything. i compare too much, i make too many principles, i procrastinate too often. and i have to change. whatever happened to 'be yourself'? rubbishy slogans.
i think i will only love my family forever.
can you hear the soft swoosh of the butterflies' wings. 1:11 AM.
