Sunday, July 31, 2005
i thought it had all started off well. little did i expect myself to leave in such low spirits.
no thanks to my uncle for playing that stinking movie too. it wasnt even touching. it was plain depressing. horrid.
no thanks to my uncle for playing that stinking movie too. it wasnt even touching. it was plain depressing. horrid.
can you hear the soft swoosh of the butterflies' wings. 10:30 PM.
Sunday, July 24, 2005
first things first.
mm. this is just a hunch, but please dont ever feel inferior to her, or be jealous of her. because i do treasure you more than her. so. you dont have to feel negative.
this will sound ironic, because ive just performed it. but why do we downsize the things that are most important. like, in an entry.
i had a dream today. (okayy. i have dreams every other day too.)
the world was ending. and there was this particular scene which struck me.
I was peering out of the window, and it felt like i was in a submarine, or a boat. because the strikingly blue ocean stretched endlessly beyond the window. in the dream, i felt it was the prettiest sight i had ever seen. the blue ocean, glittering in the sunlight. and so close to me.
then i remembered crying. bitterly. when i kept trying to take a photo of it, but kept failing to. (i think the ocean kept fading away.)
all the same. it was like something dear being kept away from me. and my heart ached, with every other part of me to long for it.
mm. this is just a hunch, but please dont ever feel inferior to her, or be jealous of her. because i do treasure you more than her. so. you dont have to feel negative.
this will sound ironic, because ive just performed it. but why do we downsize the things that are most important. like, in an entry.
i had a dream today. (okayy. i have dreams every other day too.)
the world was ending. and there was this particular scene which struck me.
I was peering out of the window, and it felt like i was in a submarine, or a boat. because the strikingly blue ocean stretched endlessly beyond the window. in the dream, i felt it was the prettiest sight i had ever seen. the blue ocean, glittering in the sunlight. and so close to me.
then i remembered crying. bitterly. when i kept trying to take a photo of it, but kept failing to. (i think the ocean kept fading away.)
all the same. it was like something dear being kept away from me. and my heart ached, with every other part of me to long for it.
can you hear the soft swoosh of the butterflies' wings. 9:45 PM.
this hasn't happened for a really long time.
ijat, um gonna type this out all when my eyes are closed. and i wont even change any spellops or anything. hmmm. coz my eyes really hurt. im afraid that they're going downhill. my eyesight. that is.
anwyywa. woah.
been 2 wild days with mabe; and di. frolicked everywhere!!! drank elephanocinno. twas mighyty good. even if it might have looked like an uber0bug cup of milo at first. and rado was raelly nice, aint he? hahha.
then candy empire. man, i hate my purchase! walked the place for so long finiding something that was worth it to get. and t tuened out not nice! arghhh. was some Willywonkos thing. grape tubes with sourish nerds in the middle. not niceeeeeee.
then angokio today.
swang huigh did we?? and then, we talked on the lil bridge. ahhh. thenwe swang again. again and again.
the rain didnt pour. thank god.
canoeing finals on friday. mannn, really sorry i said that to him. i lmew it was the wrong stuff the moment it came out from my mouth. arghhh. but then again, i dont think he really cares what i say. im like some totally insignificant person.
and yh was sobbing her heart out on di's uniform. as mab and i looked on.
oh welllss.
im taotally screwing up my biological clock. and that sucks. i just slept from 7 sth to 1130. then i had to wake up, because i couldnt stand being all sluggish anyway. so when my whole family trotted off to bed, i woke up and started watching bringiton. mannnn. brought bak memories of those times. the days in school when i wasnt feeling worthless. im some trash.
i just yawned. but i dont tink im feeling tired. ohh i know! myabye ill just read harrp potter now. to take my mind off myself.
yarrr.
dont let me get me.
ijat, um gonna type this out all when my eyes are closed. and i wont even change any spellops or anything. hmmm. coz my eyes really hurt. im afraid that they're going downhill. my eyesight. that is.
anwyywa. woah.
been 2 wild days with mabe; and di. frolicked everywhere!!! drank elephanocinno. twas mighyty good. even if it might have looked like an uber0bug cup of milo at first. and rado was raelly nice, aint he? hahha.
then candy empire. man, i hate my purchase! walked the place for so long finiding something that was worth it to get. and t tuened out not nice! arghhh. was some Willywonkos thing. grape tubes with sourish nerds in the middle. not niceeeeeee.
then angokio today.
swang huigh did we?? and then, we talked on the lil bridge. ahhh. thenwe swang again. again and again.
the rain didnt pour. thank god.
canoeing finals on friday. mannn, really sorry i said that to him. i lmew it was the wrong stuff the moment it came out from my mouth. arghhh. but then again, i dont think he really cares what i say. im like some totally insignificant person.
and yh was sobbing her heart out on di's uniform. as mab and i looked on.
oh welllss.
im taotally screwing up my biological clock. and that sucks. i just slept from 7 sth to 1130. then i had to wake up, because i couldnt stand being all sluggish anyway. so when my whole family trotted off to bed, i woke up and started watching bringiton. mannnn. brought bak memories of those times. the days in school when i wasnt feeling worthless. im some trash.
i just yawned. but i dont tink im feeling tired. ohh i know! myabye ill just read harrp potter now. to take my mind off myself.
yarrr.
dont let me get me.
can you hear the soft swoosh of the butterflies' wings. 12:39 AM.
Wednesday, July 20, 2005
Hey mom
Why didn't you tell me
Why didn't you teach me a thing or two
You just let me go
Out into the world
You never thought to share what you knew
So i walked under a bus
I got hit by a train
Keep falling in love
Which is kinda the same
I've sunk out at sea
Crashed my car, gone insane
And it felt so goodI want to do it again
this song doesnt really make sense. (like many other songgs.) but i really like the tune. err. ask me to sing it to you next time. hahha. anyway. since no one really reads my blog. so yar. di, ask me to sing it to you next time. i should just start talking to you eh, di?
okayy. man. econs lecture was pretty freaky. a lot was happening. hahha. and me and mab were furiously chatting away. and that the econs lecturer started to scold. as she promised, she shut down the system first. oh wells. could hear the aircon dying.
heard so many gossips nowadays about victorysign. hmmm.
cut my hair. i kinda feel like getting it to be so short so that i can just let my hair down.
today, i came home and looked in the mirror. FREAK! my hair at the back of my head was horrendously everywhere. i bet i looked reallllly stupid on the way home. darnnn.
and you had your digi cam. it is sooooooooooo sleek! (yes. im still talkin to diana.) darnnn. i feel bad about mine now. arghhh. like some ancient stupid bulk of a camera.
Why didn't you tell me
Why didn't you teach me a thing or two
You just let me go
Out into the world
You never thought to share what you knew
So i walked under a bus
I got hit by a train
Keep falling in love
Which is kinda the same
I've sunk out at sea
Crashed my car, gone insane
And it felt so goodI want to do it again
this song doesnt really make sense. (like many other songgs.) but i really like the tune. err. ask me to sing it to you next time. hahha. anyway. since no one really reads my blog. so yar. di, ask me to sing it to you next time. i should just start talking to you eh, di?
okayy. man. econs lecture was pretty freaky. a lot was happening. hahha. and me and mab were furiously chatting away. and that the econs lecturer started to scold. as she promised, she shut down the system first. oh wells. could hear the aircon dying.
heard so many gossips nowadays about victorysign. hmmm.
cut my hair. i kinda feel like getting it to be so short so that i can just let my hair down.
today, i came home and looked in the mirror. FREAK! my hair at the back of my head was horrendously everywhere. i bet i looked reallllly stupid on the way home. darnnn.
and you had your digi cam. it is sooooooooooo sleek! (yes. im still talkin to diana.) darnnn. i feel bad about mine now. arghhh. like some ancient stupid bulk of a camera.
can you hear the soft swoosh of the butterflies' wings. 6:06 PM.
Tuesday, July 19, 2005
this is so not worth it.
but still.
FUCKTARD PRINTER!!
man.
its the shittiest printer ive ever come across. it never prints stuff properly. and right now. its gasping and sputtering tons of gibberish. WTHHHHHH!! its been like this for months. my sadistic nature's really starting to show. oh. i wished so much that the printer had emotions. then i could give it a good loud punch on its bloody face and shut it up. ive a good mind to throw it down the rubbish chute.
ITS TRASHHH!
fed you nice, original HP black ink. and you still aint listenin to what the humans gotta say.
YOU FUCKTARD!
but still.
FUCKTARD PRINTER!!
man.
its the shittiest printer ive ever come across. it never prints stuff properly. and right now. its gasping and sputtering tons of gibberish. WTHHHHHH!! its been like this for months. my sadistic nature's really starting to show. oh. i wished so much that the printer had emotions. then i could give it a good loud punch on its bloody face and shut it up. ive a good mind to throw it down the rubbish chute.
ITS TRASHHH!
fed you nice, original HP black ink. and you still aint listenin to what the humans gotta say.
YOU FUCKTARD!
can you hear the soft swoosh of the butterflies' wings. 12:32 AM.
Monday, July 18, 2005
Thou shalt not emote.
isnt that really extreme. but its more or less true, you know. especially in us Asian (chinese) families. we hardly show our true emotions during family times. (lets leave naggy emotions, grumpy moods out of this.)
Highlights of the dayyy! (dont worry, this will not become a regular blog pattern.)
ill backtrack, meaning ill start from what happened most recently.
- mab found out the secret to uncovering all of chut's deepest secrets. muahhaha. he's dead meat. well done mabbbb! :)
- i didnt go to school. bad head day. booo.
- Crow Lake makes me wanna have brothers. mannn, i so love Luke and Matt. Handsome, strong men who are protecting you from ill-intentioned strangers, mean girls. all your life. sounds good to me. (okayokayyy. i know its not really that true in real life.)
- Harry Potter's on sale! but the hype seems to have lessened this year. even the newspapers only printed a tiny section on it. booo. let's hope it's worth the wait.
- some girls do bitching soo well! i wanna name who she is, because she should really be a teen writer. but i cant, because im not supposed to read her blog. booo. actually, there're so many people's blogs im not supposed to read!
- woahh. so far, there's been 3 girls who skipped school today. me, mab and shiqin. hahhha. its such a coincidence mab decided to skip school. was still wondering why there aint any 'heyy. where are you?' messages from mab.
-blah. tongxinyuan's on. better run and tape it fer my family!
(oh yar. that reminds me about the lilindia-chinatown-geyland joyride i had a few days agoo. oh welll. next time!)
isnt that really extreme. but its more or less true, you know. especially in us Asian (chinese) families. we hardly show our true emotions during family times. (lets leave naggy emotions, grumpy moods out of this.)
Highlights of the dayyy! (dont worry, this will not become a regular blog pattern.)
ill backtrack, meaning ill start from what happened most recently.
- mab found out the secret to uncovering all of chut's deepest secrets. muahhaha. he's dead meat. well done mabbbb! :)
- i didnt go to school. bad head day. booo.
- Crow Lake makes me wanna have brothers. mannn, i so love Luke and Matt. Handsome, strong men who are protecting you from ill-intentioned strangers, mean girls. all your life. sounds good to me. (okayokayyy. i know its not really that true in real life.)
- Harry Potter's on sale! but the hype seems to have lessened this year. even the newspapers only printed a tiny section on it. booo. let's hope it's worth the wait.
- some girls do bitching soo well! i wanna name who she is, because she should really be a teen writer. but i cant, because im not supposed to read her blog. booo. actually, there're so many people's blogs im not supposed to read!
- woahh. so far, there's been 3 girls who skipped school today. me, mab and shiqin. hahhha. its such a coincidence mab decided to skip school. was still wondering why there aint any 'heyy. where are you?' messages from mab.
-blah. tongxinyuan's on. better run and tape it fer my family!
(oh yar. that reminds me about the lilindia-chinatown-geyland joyride i had a few days agoo. oh welll. next time!)
can you hear the soft swoosh of the butterflies' wings. 6:50 PM.
Friday, July 15, 2005
dance with my father.
thank goodness for this song. the soothing voice of Luther Vandross, the therapeutic beat. it is calming my nerves and letting me breathe.
finished reading 'Nina : Adolescence'.
and i think, im so like her. nina.
my suicidal tendacies are always in me, lurking and showing at my darkest times. the way she looked at snow, at the trees. letting her imagination run wild. the way she got angry with her parents after the mother announced the divorce. the way i got angry and broken.
the cold wind blowing in from my window lets me forget that im here, in singapore.
tears still well up, whenever i think about the past. i wish i could say for sure, that those were days that would never be relived.
ive stopped doing homework when im home. stopped showing any signs that im still schooling when im home.
really. im astonished myself at how i can just put school out of my mind, and believing that it doesnt matter.
thank goodness for this song. the soothing voice of Luther Vandross, the therapeutic beat. it is calming my nerves and letting me breathe.
finished reading 'Nina : Adolescence'.
and i think, im so like her. nina.
my suicidal tendacies are always in me, lurking and showing at my darkest times. the way she looked at snow, at the trees. letting her imagination run wild. the way she got angry with her parents after the mother announced the divorce. the way i got angry and broken.
the cold wind blowing in from my window lets me forget that im here, in singapore.
tears still well up, whenever i think about the past. i wish i could say for sure, that those were days that would never be relived.
ive stopped doing homework when im home. stopped showing any signs that im still schooling when im home.
really. im astonished myself at how i can just put school out of my mind, and believing that it doesnt matter.
can you hear the soft swoosh of the butterflies' wings. 10:38 PM.
Thursday, July 14, 2005
in every girl, there's a passion for dancing.
yep.
but i hate not being able to do so. what's a girl gotta do?
yep.
but i hate not being able to do so. what's a girl gotta do?
can you hear the soft swoosh of the butterflies' wings. 11:02 PM.
Monday, July 11, 2005
i have to blog.
so that di wouldnt seem like some crazy woman in love with me.
hahaha. anyway.
man, like mab said.
i feel. so in loveeeeeeeeee.
but im not. booooo.
stop this joce!
urhummm.
this has been a wild photo-weekend.
so that di wouldnt seem like some crazy woman in love with me.
hahaha. anyway.
man, like mab said.
i feel. so in loveeeeeeeeee.
but im not. booooo.
stop this joce!
urhummm.
this has been a wild photo-weekend.
can you hear the soft swoosh of the butterflies' wings. 1:11 AM.
Friday, July 08, 2005
oh man.
usually i regret. a lot. after some hours in front of the telly.
but no. surprisingly.
i just caught the full telecast of MTV Jammed of Mika Nakashima. (thats her up there.)
so on MTV Jammed, the crew tries to catch people unaware and spring a concert on them. The setting's always different. and this time, it was in Japan. after a high-school graduation ceremony.
ive always felt that the Japanese always had a really different aura around them, which is unlike the rest of the Asians. especially after ive visited Japan 2 years ago. And again, the show proved me right.
So it was a really short show, but it managed to catch all the right and important parts, bringing across the sense of loss yet anticipation u feel upon graduation.
There was footage of the Japanese students taking many groupshots, all posing crazily. You know, the tears normally dont come till later, when things get solemn. Then girls were showing off their prettily-written letters to friends and teachers, to the camera, totally unaware that it was all gonna be broadcasted on MTV. they assumed it was a graduation video.
Finally the graduation ceremony started. Solemn music was played in the school hall, and the 3rd years walked in, corsages pinned on their fronts of the uniform. (oh yar. noticed that i didnt even spot ONE girl with her hair tied up in a ponytail. everyone had theirs down or spunk. drats.) The camera zoomed in on one particular group. One of the boys was holding a portrait-sized photo of a boy. there was nothing said in the video about this at all. somehow, that made it all seem much sadder. (obviously, the boy in the photo had passed away.)
Students were seated and slowly, the tears started coming down. guys and girls alike, especially when a boy (i assumed he was probably a head schoolboy.) went up to the stands and gave a speech.
he ended with,
"3 years of our schoolyears has passed and ended. and it is now time to part ways. in the future, if any of us feels lost in the big world out there, remember. you are not alone."
the tears came.
and Mika Nakashima emerged on stage. it was wonderful seeing how everyone broke out into surprised smiles but it was still really orderly and it only took ONE warning for the students to return to their seats and not to rush to the stage. (trust me, Japanese are really orderly people.)
Graduation.
such a sad and beautiful thing.
can you hear the soft swoosh of the butterflies' wings. 11:32 PM.
Tuesday, July 05, 2005
we went sentosa yesterday.
the sea was very blue. the sky too.
the waves were huge, kept pulling us back to shore.
it was fun playing volleyball with my friends. (di, shiqin, vincent, sherwin, wilson, huiboon, jackie, sida, dawn, yueyiao)
the name-game was quite a hoot too.
too bad the camera went outta batt. or else we could have gotten lots of things on film.
the float. the big yellow one.
was an experience being on top of it.
what a politically correct entry!
with not an ounce of truth in it.
the sea was very blue. the sky too.
the waves were huge, kept pulling us back to shore.
it was fun playing volleyball with my friends. (di, shiqin, vincent, sherwin, wilson, huiboon, jackie, sida, dawn, yueyiao)
the name-game was quite a hoot too.
too bad the camera went outta batt. or else we could have gotten lots of things on film.
the float. the big yellow one.
was an experience being on top of it.
what a politically correct entry!
with not an ounce of truth in it.
can you hear the soft swoosh of the butterflies' wings. 6:36 PM.
Monday, July 04, 2005
i dont like this!
i dont like what its doing to me. whatever she said just made it even worse, made me feel more sharply what's happening.
please dont ask me what happened.
its a secret ill bring to the grave.
i never liked tonghua. and now i really dont. singing it pains me.
DAMNNNN!
i dont like what its doing to me. whatever she said just made it even worse, made me feel more sharply what's happening.
please dont ask me what happened.
its a secret ill bring to the grave.
i never liked tonghua. and now i really dont. singing it pains me.
DAMNNNN!
can you hear the soft swoosh of the butterflies' wings. 9:59 PM.
few times ive been round that track and .... (fill with gibberish) ive been listenin to the song fer like a million times. and i still cant get the lyrics!! what ARE you singing, gwen. hmm.
anyway, you suck! okay. its actually coz i suck. so you do too! BOO!
sentosa day tml! everyone's telling me how everyone's friends and everyone else are going there tomorrow. the little island's gonna be flooded! (choy!)
let us have fun.
i have been running outta the house before noon and coming back after night falls ever since the cts ended! and im not a girl who's used to all that, so yar. i aint that used to it. my body's tired. still, splashing the waves wont be much work.
after readin so many people's blogs, it got me. i am sooooooooooooooooooooooooo innocent! okayy. maybe not innocent. but, ermmm. inexperienced in so many of life's aspects! or maybe its just that the bloggers have been the crazier and wilder people around here. but nahh. i believe many out there has done so muchhh i havent. pubbed, got drunk, drank(laugh.) blah blah.
hey, this sounds like an entry i wrote zillion years ago! (when the whole BV episode was on.)
better get moving to slumberland! gonna look fresh like the other thousands of island-hoppers tml!
anyway, you suck! okay. its actually coz i suck. so you do too! BOO!
sentosa day tml! everyone's telling me how everyone's friends and everyone else are going there tomorrow. the little island's gonna be flooded! (choy!)
let us have fun.
i have been running outta the house before noon and coming back after night falls ever since the cts ended! and im not a girl who's used to all that, so yar. i aint that used to it. my body's tired. still, splashing the waves wont be much work.
after readin so many people's blogs, it got me. i am sooooooooooooooooooooooooo innocent! okayy. maybe not innocent. but, ermmm. inexperienced in so many of life's aspects! or maybe its just that the bloggers have been the crazier and wilder people around here. but nahh. i believe many out there has done so muchhh i havent. pubbed, got drunk, drank(laugh.) blah blah.
hey, this sounds like an entry i wrote zillion years ago! (when the whole BV episode was on.)
better get moving to slumberland! gonna look fresh like the other thousands of island-hoppers tml!
can you hear the soft swoosh of the butterflies' wings. 1:29 AM.
