Tuesday, January 03, 2006
ooh. my aunt sent me photos from her cam from korea. sorry there's a lot of me. wait a minute. im taking back that sorry. its MY blog.
it is so weird. for me at least. that school's starting tomorrow. and im not going to be in that grey NJ uniform, packing my schoolbag and yawning my way to campus. i AM going to be at home, feeling reality hit me, that graduation has come and passed. and the next school i might go to will be University, where all the ADULTS are.
one (rare) moment i am feeling all eager to nab a job, to start on my driving career, the next im all scared and terrified of the big bad wolfish future.
When i was just a little girl, i asked my mother what will i be?
Will i be pretty, will i be rich?
and here's what she said to me.
Que Sara Sara, whatever will be will be.
the future's not us to see, que sara sara.
what will be will be.
do you still remember this song? it's in this huge video tape with Bingo, doggie in my window, and loads of kid-songs. is it true? whatever will be will be? i dont think so. that's like what i used to tell myself, its an excuse for me, to just stay in my comfort zone and avoid changes of any sort. and wait for life to dish out whatever it has in store for me. turns out that wouldnt work.
freaking headache. get out.
i am so used to feeling jealous of people, friends, anything. i compare too much, i make too many principles, i procrastinate too often. and i have to change. whatever happened to 'be yourself'? rubbishy slogans.
i think i will only love my family forever.
can you hear the soft swoosh of the butterflies' wings. 1:11 AM.
